Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
