Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
