His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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