I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
