I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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