We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
