Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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