Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
