Will you blow on my dice?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My ass is underappreciated
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
