i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
