Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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