No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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