gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
