Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
