we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
