My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
