if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
birth control should be required to get into college
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
