another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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