my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
