so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
