Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
