I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
