"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
