I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
