ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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