if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
