How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
