Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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