just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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