I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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