nut hugger
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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