is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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