Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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