His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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