I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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