You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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