Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
