As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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