that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
