Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
