My nipple is on Facebook.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
