I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
