I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
