No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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