Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
