You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
