FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
