If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
