Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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