I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Terrible idea I love it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
