I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
