What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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