it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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