based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
