wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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