This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
