I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
