i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize