That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
