In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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