you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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