he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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