she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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