so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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