I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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