is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
