**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
