here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
